A little about my vector

Over the years, I've accumulated and shifted many identities: 1. At the very beginning, I was a default secular Muslim, then an atheist from the atheo public. 2. A primitive achiever. 3. A rationalist, less-than-wrong. 4. I've played with all the major pantheons: Greeks, Egypt, Vikings. 5. A Chaos adept, Tiamat (Sumerian demon worship), Castaneda, and Lovecraft. 6. I realized I'd overindulged and instead embraced Christianity, with baptism, fasting, and prayer. Although it gradually slid into a rapture over tracks like "your sick fantasy takes flight, I'm a half-phase cryosleep, you're my passions like Sophia Achamoth." Something like Greek Gnosticism. 7. Now I've invented a secular pagan cult. A general direction is emerging. Firstly, I'm interested in anything that can give me strength, freedom, authority, and connections. Sometimes I lean towards mysticism, sometimes towards pragmatism. Generally speaking, my worldview doesn't greatly determine my actions. I want to hang out in the mountains: either a setting of searching for the remnants of Hyperborea, or summoning NYOH in the Lovecraftian vein. I want to associate with smart people—lesswrong; I want to associate with accomplished moralists—Christianity. Secondly, I use my worldview more as a lubricant for participating in communities. Thirdly, I have a clear vision of what I ultimately want to achieve, and all these settings are machines that help me move toward a situation where I've achieved it. I can speak about the vision in general terms. Nature, forests, and freshwater bodies surround me. I have all the resources for an autonomous life in any foreseeable future, but I can also retreat into society and simply change my campsite. I'm surrounded by loved ones, adequate and strong people. I have children, a girlfriend, and plenty of time.